The Parable of the Cow Patties

A parable, if you check your Funk & Wagnalls, is "a short narrative making a moral or religious point by comparison with natural or homely things. See allegory."

My father was brought up on a farm. It's gone now, the 19th century house, the barn, the pasture, everything, but I remember it well, in its latter days. The barn stood back at a distance from the house, the space between contained a few cow droppings and a number of hens scratching out a living, you might say. As a boy, I would chase the hens when no-one was looking and the rooster wasn't near. Hens are not good fliers but, in an emergency they could make it to the roof of the coop if not the barn.

As a boy, my father told me, he had an obsession. He wanted to make a cow patty stick under the eave of the barn. Not an easy thing to do. If the patty was old and dry, it would not stick. If it was too fresh, it would either run between the fingers or splatter when it hit the eave. It had to be in between. It had to be just right. But even if the consistency was perfect, skill was required to judge the weight, throw it up at the right angle and speed. Wrist action was important.

It took him a long time to perfect the art.

He told me all this a few days before I left home to set out on my journey into the world. There is something Biblical about a father's advice to a departing son. I didn't forget it. I gathered from all this that if you knew how to throw the bull, you could go a long way. But mind you, it had to be the right kind and you had to have the knack of throwing it (a few politicians come to mind) or it would come back in your face.

My father, like Jesus, spoke in parables.

Great Weather

The second week of my curling season began yesterday. I drove to and from the Club with all windows open. 20ºC in late October! If only all aspects of global warming could be like this.

Barber Shop Wisdom

I was having my hair cut the other day. In a barber shop. There are few of them left. Salons are the thing. I'm not with it.

My barber is called Jack, the master of corny jokes. Most of his customers are mature. As I was sitting in the chair, one of those waiting spoke up. He liked Stephen Harper. It was time to cut the spending on welfare cheats, etc., etc. - you know the line.

It occurred to me that for every dollar given to low income people, deserving or not, there must be at least ten dollars, maybe a hundred, handed out to the wealthy in the form of tax breaks, "forgivable" loans, subsidies and so on. A lot of that money leaves the country for the tax havens of the Bahamas or the Cayman Islands. The money handed out to the less fortunate gets spent locally for goods and services. Whether it is spent on food, rent, lotto tickets or beer, it stays in the economy. Just as my ten bucks to Jack allows him to buy ten dollars worth of whatever and in turn allows retail workers to get their share, so does the money spent by welfare recipients benefit the community. Money being spent and re-spent many times over produces a multiplier effect. There is a name for this thing, and there is a multiplier number, but it eludes me.

Why are so many people blind to this?

The Afghan Mission

A public opinion poll recently done in Afghanistan comes up with interesting results that will no doubt give new vigour to those who champion the extension of our mission there. Check this out. I'm not aware that anyone thought to poll Afghanis until now. I wonder who got the idea.

Oh Canada!

Weep for the Liberal Party of Canada, they seem to be imploding. Leader Dion is beset on all sides; important staffers and MPs are heading for the exits. Stephen Harper and his "new" Conservatives are gearing for a majority. Indeed, weep for Canada!

Dion is a good man. Obviously intelligent, knows his homework, good organizer. Excellent as a member of cabinet, but as leader or Prime Minister? His English is not good, he doesn't seem to have the fire and the panache of a Chrétien, that likable thug, for instance, who would demolish an opponent quickly if that person wasn't on his toes. Dion is too much the gentleman, a breed which doesn't seem to fit in politics. Pity. And then he is carrying the baggage of having been in cabinet during the sponsorship scandal and thus infuriating the Québecois.

Stephen Harper now has them over a barrel; his poll numbers improve by the day and he is daring them to vote no confidence and trigger an election. When asked if the challenge would be accepted, Ignatieff vacillated, hemmed and hawed and dithered. Dion then came out with it. They will not defeat the government because - get this - the people don't want another election. That's the reason? Who is he trying to kid? The Liberal Party doesn't want an election because they would lose. Grim days are ahead; the Afghan mission will be extended to 2011 at least, the environment will be sacrificed to the interests of big business, regressive legislation will be passed into law, and Harper will likely get his majority. If that's what the country wants, so be it.

I thought I would never say this, but here it is: I just don't care anymore.